Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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