I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
