dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
