from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
