What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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