I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
