Im at strip club and am horny
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
