It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
