I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
