Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
