Where is the hickey?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
