Hippo gnu deer
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
