dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
