i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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