I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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