Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
