tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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