wakey wakey hands off snakey
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
