Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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