Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
