the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize