FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
