And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I met the friendliest cop last night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
