I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
