She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
