apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
