32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
