Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
