she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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