rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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