I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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