just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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