i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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