Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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