dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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