38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
