Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How's work?
Spinning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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