yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
