he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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