Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
