i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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