Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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