Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
