just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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