I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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