just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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