went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
