Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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