I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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