I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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