I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There r osticjed everywhere
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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