I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize