my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
