i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
