Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
