I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
