but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
