There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
