i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
