your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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