My friends, they love my intelligence
She is in my trunk
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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