i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
