You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
