she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
