my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
