party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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