Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
