I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize