no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
