He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
