the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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